Unforgiveness, A Learned Behavior

I spanked my niece for something she never really did and hours later I went to sleep without apologizing to her. I woke up and saw her lying beside me and cuddling me with a little tear drop from her eyes. I felt really bad and it reminded me of what I learnt some time ago from Bishop T. D Jakes in his book " let it go ". 

A child can be chastised one moment and hugs you the next. They sometimes initiate reconciliation without our prompting. Unforgiveness is a learned behaviour. We were not born with the propensity to be grudge-bearing beigns.

From the earliest of our existence, we learn so much about forgiveness and lack of it from our family, community, peers and friends. Families have a pathology of generational Unforgiveness that has been passed on from generation to generation. 

Most parents and relatives simply acted it out and the obedient children found themselves watching their parents remain silently angry at the dinner table for weeks on end or missing their best friends they'd fallen out but refused to talk. Such messages spoken and unspoken become their schoolmasters. The Innocent little children quietly take notes, they record It in their hearts where it is difficult to erase.

If we don't model forgiveness, we can't teach it. If there are no role models for extending Mercy, how do we learn and break generational strongholds? 

In reality, like rain, offenses will come unexpectedly. It is impossible to live  this life without some conflicts along the way. No matter how bold, aggressive and proactive you are in protecting yourself from life's blows, someone will still manage to discover your vulnerability and hurt you.

Most times, what leads to a divorce  is not adultery but Unforgiveness. Forgiving people doesn't exonerate them from guilt, but it is done so that you aren't forever tied to the past. Justice without Mercy isn't truly justice at all. Most people now perceive Unforgiveness as strength and forgiveness as vulnerability never understanding that forgiveness requires the greater strength and maturity of character.

Sometimes you ought to prepare forgiveness before you even get offended and sometimes you forgive without the benefit of an apology for your own emotional survival. If we don't unlearn this behaviour, then ultimately we will only attract others with similar points of reference.

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall See God"

- Nyiumin Ubulon