I happen to know of a Pastor for whom the grace of God upon
his life is evident. Truly called by God and has a deep passion for ministry
but is quite toxic in his relationship with those around him. If you are a
psychological observer like me, you will find it very difficult to see through
the grace of God upon his life. He is so gifted in bringing people close to him
that you won't realize how far he has eaten deep into your soul that he can
make you a reflection of himself either through silent force or subtle methods.
He makes sure everything revolves around him and tries to cut away anyone who deviates from the picture he has in mind so that that individual won't infect those he already has under his covering.
Adolf Hitler, the Nazist leader of Germany, was, arguably, the world's most treacherous leader. He was responsible for the death of more than three (3) million Jews. He was responsible for the second world war, plunging the world into destruction and chaos. However, you must be surprised that a brutal man like Adolf Hitler was loved and adored. He was even able to get a beautiful woman to fall in love with him, marry him and commit suicide with him.
While growing up, Adolf Hitler was a charismatic leader and very gifted in that he was able to use his speech to rally thousands of individuals to do his bidding. However, what many did not realize in time was that underneath this gift of charisma was a dangerous weapon of mass destruction waiting to be unleashed on mankind.
It might surprise you to know that there are many narcissists around you or you might be one yourself. In recognising a narcissist, there are two major factors you are to look out for: IDENTITY (self Esteem) and their craving for ATTENTION.
From our childhood, there's this never-ending need for attention. If we are deprived of this need by others, it will be quite difficult to develop a bond or connect with others as we need the affirmation and attention of others to be socially alive. The Psychology of this is that our self-worth to a large extent depends on the joy and happiness we get from attention. We have the tendencies and need to be appreciated for who we are or be appreciated in whatsoever way for our uniqueness.
Considering the importance of this, people can go the length to do anything which will bring them attention and affirmation even if it's doing anything negative such as committing a crime. A woman was critically ill and bedridden for days. Her husband had to quit everything he did to stay beside her just to take care of her. When her husband died one morning, she miraculously recovered, stood up from the bed and went back to doing her usual activities. Her husband's attention was what she needed and went the length to get it leading to his death.
Most of us come up with different ways or solutions to solve this dilemma of how people perceive and receive us. We begin to create a self-image that can make us validated. Our self-image begins to take form through our opinions or perception about things, people and the world in general and our value system in terms of ideologies, tastes, relationships, education and background: whether it be a social or economical background. Through this, we make ourselves the centre of our attention and attraction.
In trying to solve our need for attention and acceptance, we encounter another challenge --- competition, as others too tend to want to also get attention. You see this, especially in homes where children compete to gain their parent's attention in terms of trust and affirmation. For example, between the ages of three and six, self-esteem development starts taking place among children. Children tend to want to identify with the values or strengths of their parents and look for ways to appeal to their strengths to be validated by them.
However, if this is not worked upon on time during childhood, you get to discover individuals become a deep narcissists. This means that as they grow older, their emotions become toxic and dangerous. They tend to retaliate when they are ignored.
They go into a rage and can cause harm. They become toxic pastors, nagging wives, cold-hearted children, and enraged and over-envious husbands. This is how killers are made. This is why wives are killed by husbands, this is why a child can wake up one morning and set the house on fire killing his or her parents. We have them around us, you haven't taken note of it or you have and don't know what to call them or define them. They are a narcissist.
I will continue this article by next week but before then, do a check on your emotions and those around you. You might be growing up to become a potential narcissist or breeding narcissists as friends in ignorance.
May the Spirit of Wisdom guide you.