I never saw her again for the holidays, but the seed had
been sown and I forgot about it until years later in junior secondary school (I
went to an all-girls school) when I met this girl who also really liked me and
gave me the vibes that sprouted the seeds that were sown years back.
I ‘connected' with this girl and this was how the seed of
abuse by a girl germinated into a full-blown fruit and became an act of
LESBIANISM.
I and this girl would always act in ways that were very
sexually endearing and we saw each other as partners.
One day, she followed me home, we had planned that we were
going to finally engage in the act itself and unfortunately for us, maybe
fortunate for me now that I think about it, another friend of mine had just
stubbornly insisted on following me home seeing as no one would be home and she
had overheard me and this girl talk about drinking garri and fried fish (lol)
or maybe it was the food (lol), either way, she followed us home, we tried to
employ different tactics to get her to NOT follow us but then she did and we
let her, so we both agreed ( me and my partner) that we would send her on an errand
and in this time, ENGAGE.
Which we were doing when she walked in minutes later, almost
like she ran to complete the errand and met me and this girl, laying on
ourselves and she looked and turned away, I could never forget the look in her
eyes, I immediately felt this great SHAME and FEAR wash over me, with thoughts
that what if she told other students and they get to find out what would
happen?
I don't know what it is, but as far as I could remember she
NEVER told anyone, I kept trying to suck up to her thinking she would, she
never confronted me about it or spoke about it, but the fact that SOMEONE SAW
ME AND KNOWS WHAT I DID scared me silly.
That day, I made up my mind that I would NEVER again indulge
in such, no one told me anything but I made that decision from a place of shame
and fear.
Years down the line, I struggled with it, because I had said
I hated guys (I was also abused by different older guys and near rape, accident from two boys, I had called friends) so because of this notion I
struggled with feeling attraction for a certain type of girls and I also saw
that certain girls were attracted to me.
I never shared or spoke to anyone about it and kept mute and
gradually it just slowly withdrew, the urge to engage in this act.
I am sharing this story to ANNOUNCE that I have been forgiven
by the father for something that was yes, not my fault, but I engaged in it and
I can sit on the fact that I was abused but the father would have me come up
higher to the place of victory and OWN my victory.
Just as I have been forgiven and rid of all shame, fear, guilt
and heaviness, I am encouraging you to see that shame doesn't have to be your
IDENTITY anymore.
I know that brother, uncle, father, sister, friend, neighbour, housekeeper and so on HURT YOU.
But I believe the father would have you come up higher and
allow Him to wash you clean with His love.
I AM LOVED AND FORGIVEN
THIS IS MY STORY
I HAVE BEEN PURCHASED BY THE BLOOD AND THIS NULLIFIES EVERY
ACCUSATION, FEAR, SHAME AND WHAT NOTS.
I also INVITE YOU to COME and experience this great LIFE and
NEWNESS that I have because the one who is ‘YAHWEH' has told me and shown me.
Right now, just say father forgive me and heal me and watch
Him SHOW UP with healing in His wings for you.
I BLESS YOU WITH THESE WORDS.
Click To Also Read: God Says Yes
#maryajagbe #lesbianism #rape #redemption #repentance #salvation #forgiveness #sin #ksmtotheworld #kaymagnate #kolawolesolomon #ARF #Inspiration
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